Since the beginning of spring, there's a couple who regularly canoodle on a park bench behind the building where I work. Being the nosey beggars that we are, a workmate of mine and I often look out our office window at the mysterious couple and discuss scenarios as to what they are talking about, analysing their body language and just generally making up outrageous stories about the unsuspecting couple who, for the purposes of this blog, will be referred to as Mr & Mrs Two-Timers.
Today, as they have many times before, Mr & Mrs Two-Timers were at it again, for all the world to see. This time, instead of engaging in our usual voyeurism we decided to take on the role of private detective.
Coercing another colleague to walk past the couple with me, we prepped ourselves to act as naturally as possible - just two people walking past on our way somewhere. But just as we were making our way towards the couple, we get accosted by two scallies asking for money, presumably for a few more cans of lager. At the corner of my eye, I see Mr & Mrs TT looking shifty, got up and started to make their way back to work. DRAT!
Instead of abandoning our mission, my workmate decided to follow them, pretending to be super-sleuths...and failing miserably. They clocked on to us, they weren't buying all the pretend non-chalance we tried to act out. Somehow, I don't think we will ever see Mrs and Mrs T again.
Tuesday 28 November 2006
Sunday 5 November 2006
God Bless Manchester!
I've recently come back from my holidays and I am loving being back! People think I'm crazy being this excited after languishing in the California sun. But despite enjoying my holiday (I had a fab time, honest!!), I am happy to be back in the cold, dark skies of Manchester.
Why, you wonder? Well, these are at least 10 reasons why I'm happy to be back in Manchester, the heart and soul of the United Kingdom:
1) I'm back to shop assistants who don't ask how I'm doing in a sugary sweet, obviously false way. Brit shop assistants are for the most part friendly, efficient and know customers don't want to wait in long queues uncessesarily so they don't talk all sorts of crap to you pretending to be interested when they clearly aren't.
2) I'm back to eating in restaurants where I get served by people who don't expect a minimum 15% tip for the pleasure of serving you. They serve me because that's their job, and they actually like what they do.
3) I'm back to driving in smooth motorways, clearly signed junctions and slip roads, with drivers who know how to drive properly and know all about road courtesy.
4) I'm back to normal-sized food portions, where a small meal IS a small meal, and where a sandwich is less likely to have GM products that would turn me yellow.
5) I'm back to prices that are the same from when you pick them up until it gets rung at the tills. I hate it when I think I'm buying something for 99 cents, when it actually is $1.09 because of sales tax!
6) I'm back to 'Have I Got News For You', Brit soaps, The Royle Family, Little Britain, The Office, Shameless, etc. American telly is so full of rubbish!
7) I'm back to stylish yet affordable clothing. In America, it's either one or the other.
8) I'm back to fry-ups, beans, cheese on toast, fish and chips and a good old Sunday roast.
9) I'm back with a people with a dry, sarcastic sense of humour, and who don't take themselves too seriously.
10) And last, but not the least, I'm back to a proper cup of tea!
Why, you wonder? Well, these are at least 10 reasons why I'm happy to be back in Manchester, the heart and soul of the United Kingdom:
1) I'm back to shop assistants who don't ask how I'm doing in a sugary sweet, obviously false way. Brit shop assistants are for the most part friendly, efficient and know customers don't want to wait in long queues uncessesarily so they don't talk all sorts of crap to you pretending to be interested when they clearly aren't.
2) I'm back to eating in restaurants where I get served by people who don't expect a minimum 15% tip for the pleasure of serving you. They serve me because that's their job, and they actually like what they do.
3) I'm back to driving in smooth motorways, clearly signed junctions and slip roads, with drivers who know how to drive properly and know all about road courtesy.
4) I'm back to normal-sized food portions, where a small meal IS a small meal, and where a sandwich is less likely to have GM products that would turn me yellow.
5) I'm back to prices that are the same from when you pick them up until it gets rung at the tills. I hate it when I think I'm buying something for 99 cents, when it actually is $1.09 because of sales tax!
6) I'm back to 'Have I Got News For You', Brit soaps, The Royle Family, Little Britain, The Office, Shameless, etc. American telly is so full of rubbish!
7) I'm back to stylish yet affordable clothing. In America, it's either one or the other.
8) I'm back to fry-ups, beans, cheese on toast, fish and chips and a good old Sunday roast.
9) I'm back with a people with a dry, sarcastic sense of humour, and who don't take themselves too seriously.
10) And last, but not the least, I'm back to a proper cup of tea!
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